I found myself throwing my phone at the wall; it hit the TV, and the screen cracked. I didn’t realise I had such anger or frustration issues. In despair, my eyes opened, and it was just a dream. The memory remained fresh in my mind for quite a while. Even now, as I write this three days later, I can still recall it clearly. I remember one of my friends telling me, “If you’re not depressed, then you’re probably suppressing your sorrows.” Perhaps that is a way to combat the so-called “depression” phenomenon. Knowing myself as far as I can see, I’m someone who enjoys being on my own, and perhaps that’s my way of dealing with things, of confronting things. So, there’s nothing wrong when I say, “I’m doing better than good” whenever anybody asks me how I’m doing.
In 2015, when I entered the college gate for the first time, as many would say, I thought I would be filled with excitement to welcome the next phase of my life. However, the first thought in my mind as I raised my head to see the imposing glass building was, “Will I be any different after I graduate?” It’s as if I already knew where I was headed. Aside from all the learning, wisdom, moments, and the small networks I’ve built, I can see that I’m still the exact same person. I assuredly know more now, which equips my mind with the ability to judge and differentiate. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but it’s a part of growth, maybe.
I was talking to one of my friend’s sisters, and when I asked her what she liked doing, she said, “I like staring at the moon, talking to the moon, like how I’m one with the moon in the moment.” I felt like this beauty in talking to the moon all comes from the fact that the moon wouldn’t talk back. It’s probably what people don’t like, although not in general, but it can be said that it’s human nature to put oneself first. We are all filled with insecurities, low self-esteem, or the fear that someone would disagree with us, isn’t it? We easily take things personally and react defensively.
But, on the other side, of course, simply gazing at the moon gives you a soothing feeling. You embrace the calming light, the changing shape, or the way some use it as a focal point for meditation, to keep themselves relaxed and free of stress. It can be a silent listener. Poetic, isn’t it? For example, there wouldn’t be tides in the sea, and with them, the sea kissing the seashore.
All in all, what I wanted to say is, but before I say it, I met someone in the bar last week who said, “Why do we have to have a message in anything (art/expression) that we do? Can’t the art simply exist?” It made me think. Despite what he said, I simply wanted to mention that life can be like a dead fish in the river, just flowing. Again, “dead fish”, maybe the only thing going with the flow in the river other than logs or other light and lifeless objects. Because the mind can be so tricky that it can lead you to a state you don’t want to be in, such as depression or an uncomfortable zone. Life does go with the flow, and to control or have command over your mind may be the one thing that can lead you to keep warm in a cold winter. Perhaps, someone might even enjoy a cold winter’s day.
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”
Albert Einstein
